The One Who Sees Atlantis
by Random Dispatcher
Summary: Xander Harris goes home to visit his long lost brother Blair Sandburg... and gets more than he ever expected. BTVS/SGA/Sentinel Crossover. Slash Pairing.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Disclaimer! I don't own anything from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Stargate SG1 or SGA, or the Sentinel. Also, this idea came from lisaroquin's fab story Sentinel & Guide on Twisting The Hellmouth - I did email her a few months ago about my fic but got no response so hopefully she won't be peeved at me... I really wanted to see Xander in Atlantis... so here we go!_

**The One Who Sees Atlantis**

**Chapter 1**

"Time to come home, Xander."

Those were the words Giles had said, the words that had ended his two year expedition into hell – or Africa as it's known by most.

Of course he wasn't really 'home,' home was a crater and while the Scoobies had relocated to England, Xander just couldn't get used to it there.

So where exactly was a one-eyed-ex-carpenter, Indiana Jones looking Watcher wannabe supposed to go when on a hiatus from globetrotting Slayer hunting?

Cascade, Washington.

Duh.

Well, not really duh, but Giles had ordered down time and Xander couldn't stomach his empty little flat on the new International Watcher's Council grounds so he'd come here, to see his long lost big brother Blair.

Blair had contacted him not long after Sunnydale collapsed, babbling about his Mother finally telling him who his father was – Anthony Harris – and him being ecstatic about having a younger brother. He wasn't sure really how Blair had managed to track him down, hell he'd had trouble getting a hold of his own records after the Initiative thing but Willow and Andrew had confirmed it – he had a brother.

They hadn't been able to meet then, Xander had already been in England with plans made to go on to Africa but they'd written – often.

He could tell there were things Blair left out of his letters, but who was he to judge – there were volumes of stuff Xander hadn't written. He didn't expect a man he'd never even seen to reveal his deepest, darkest but the letters had helped him stay sane… or at least not stark raving mad.

Of course the knock down, drag out that had followed his arrival in Cascade had revealed most of his brother's secrets – and several of Xander's own.

Blair's roommate Jim Ellison was apparently something called a Sentinel and that allowed him to sense the Primal Hyena spirit in Xander's head. The Hyena woke up, the Sentinel growled and all hell had broken loose – glowing green eyes and cackling included.

It was a good thing Blair's neighbors were either away that night or they were the oblivious type.

Three black eyes, six cracked ribs and various dislocated joints later they'd wound down and explanations were had by all.

Xander didn't give the pair the full down and dirty on the supernatural, just told them that there were things out there that the police couldn't handle and he recruited folks that could. It came out sounding very Justice League-y only without the spandex.

Blair and Jim had, in return, explained that Sentinels were people with enhanced senses who used a Guide to focus their abilities and were charged with the protection of their 'village'.

It sounded like a type of Slayer to Xander, only to protect against humans instead of demons and he couldn't help but think that the world could use a few more of those.

Again, he knew there were things Blair left out but Xander knew it was because his brother loved the big man at his side even if Jim didn't seem to notice and he didn't begrudge the secrecy.

Secrets were a way of life for him.

The Hyena and the Blessed Protector came to an uneasy truce. They were both Alpha, but it was Jim's territory. Blair was pack to them both but the Hyena backed off because Jim was Blair's chosen mate – which, while not true to the physical sense, was blindingly obvious on the emotional one… at least to Xander and Hyena.

Of course denial was his own bread and butter so who was he to complain about sharing the meal?

Over the last week they'd shared stories, mostly the mild and happy kind, although last night he'd told Jim a few of the one's that made him keep a bottle of prescription meds on his person wherever he went.

The big ex-ranger had been a little pale when he went to bed.

This morning Jim and Blair were at the police station doing detective-y things and Xander was lying on their couch enjoying the sounds of civilization going on around him. With Hyena's demonic senses enhancing his own he could hear the traffic outside, the little old lady across the hall putting dishes in the dishwasher, someone downstairs running on a treadmill and listening to music on their walkman – they tape reels clicked as they spun – and a small group of people entering the building.

He was so busy seeing just how far out he could push his hearing that it took a few minutes to realize someone was knocking at the door. Well, pounding on it really.

"John, they're not here," a voice complained.

The pounding didn't stop.

Xander tugged his jeans up on the way to the door – no need to scar Jim and Blair's friends with his Cable Guy boxer shorts. His wrinkled white t-shirt would have to do though. With a quick check to make sure his eye patch was in place he opened the door –

- and found his arms full of person that, from the lack of frontal padding, he assumed was male. He couldn't tell for sure though because the persons face was glued to his neck and it was only Hyena's input that kept him from shoving the guy off and going for a stake.

He heard a lot of sniffing going on.

In the hall stood two other men. The fair skinned brunette in a blue polo and jeans was clearly shocked, mouth gaping open; while the second, extremely tall with long dread locks in a white button up only partially done up and jeans looked stoic but Xander could detect a trace of concern.

He closed his arms around the frantic man, running a hand down his back and making a comforting noise.

"It's so loud," the man whimpered, "and bright and stinky and-"

Xan shushed him as softly as he could, keeping an eye on the two men in the hall.

"Concentrate on my voice – only my voice. Nothing else matters but me," he kept his hands running up and down the tense back.

"Loud."

"I know – picture a dial, like a… a… an Ipod. You need to turn the volume down on the Ipod until I sound like a whisper, can you do that? Just turn it down… down… till I'm just a whisper in your ear."

The man relaxed a little in his arms.

"Now your eyes. Same thing – see the Ipod wheel and slide it back slowly until things look normal – probably about half way down, maybe a little more. Got it?"

He nodded.

"Now look at me," slate gray eyes blinked up at him, slowly coming into focus. "Can you see me – my whole face, not just the pores?"

"You only have one eye," the man murmured.

"I had noticed that – with one eye even. Let's concentrate on smell – picture the Ipod again –"

"I can't hear you!" The voice was strained, panicked.

Xander quirked an eyebrow at the man and waited for him to figure it out.

"Oh," the man said, eyes going wide, "I can hear now."

Xander smiled, "Ok, let's picture five different Ipods in five different colors; black for sight, white for touch, green for smell, pink for taste and blue for hearing. Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Good, now dial back scent."

After another nod the man pulled away slightly and straightened. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath and Xander could see the tension roll off the man.

"Thank you."

"How are touch and taste? Okay?"

"For the moment," the man answered, opening his eyes and studying Xander.

They all stood there, staring at each other until Xander rolled his eye and held out his hand, "Hi! I'm Xander Harris, nice to meet you."

The man flushed, "Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. This is Doctor Rodney Mckay and Specialist Ronon Dex."

Xander nodded to each and then focused on John. "So what's the military want with me?"

"Actually," Rodney broke in, "we were looking for Blair Sandburg and Jim Ellison to discuss a certain fake thesis."

Xander frowned.

Blair had told him about his thesis on Sentinels and subsequent expulsion from Ranier, well he'd glossed over it really and Jim had filled in the details later - that his brother had sacrificed his career and professional reputation to protect his friend.

"Why?"

Rodney opened his mouth but tall and tan stepped forward, "We should go inside."

"Yes, yes," Rodney stuttered, his train of thought derailed. When neither John nor Xander moved he waved his hands, "Well? Move!"

"Rodney-"

"Jim is so going to kill me," Xander muttered waving them inside and heading for the phone."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

In the ten minutes between Xander hanging up the phone after making his second call and Jim's truck squealing to stop outside the apartment building, Xander had sat himself on one of the couches with John nearly in his lap.

The soldier had actually managed to fall asleep on him – literally; head tucked into his neck and an arm across his lap. Xander was a little wigged but it wasn't as if stranger things didn't happen to him all the time and John _did_ look like death warmed over…

Rodney settled in the closest chair and Ronon took up position by the window in time to see Jim's truck pull up.

"He doesn't look happy," Ronon rumbled.

Rodney sat up straighter.

Xander 'hummm'-ed.

John slept.

Jim entered the loft looking fairly calm – stony, but calm, while Blair was fairly bouncing. Of course his brother was careful to keep his bouncing _behind_ his partner.

Rodney stood, "Um hi… um… I'm Doctor Rodney McKay, this is Ronon Dex and sleeping beauty over there is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard."

Jim eyed the sleeping men critically but only nodded at Rodney's greeting. When it became apparent he wasn't going to say something Blair swatted his arm.

"Oh man, um… I'm Blair Sandburg, which you probably know and this is Jim. What can we do for you folks?"

"Well, you see three months ago John had a… traumatic experience and not long after he started displaying symptoms. It couldn't be explained medically… food would make him sick one day and he'd be fine the next… whispers would be too loud and then he wouldn't be able to hear anything. Then there were days he was completely comatose… once it was for over a week. We couldn't find a cause and nothing we did helped."

The scientist took a deep breath, "Then one of our scientists – Doctor Jackson – dug up a copy of your thesis, your _fake_ thesis- "

"Oh man."

"It's not a fake, is it? It can't be. John is exhibiting every symptom you describe down to the skin sensitivity to acidic foods. If your thesis is fake then we can't fix this, can't fix him…"

Xander could see the desperation that had been hidden so well at the door slowly come out as the man spoke. Rodney genuinely cared for John Sheppard and was terrified of losing him.

Apparently Jim could see it too because when Blair looked to him for guidance Jim nodded – then went into the kitchen.

Everyone else just sort of stared at each other, unsure of exactly how to go about having this discussion.

Xander was accepting a beer from the big man when the phone rang. An irritated Blair answered it only to quickly pass it to his brother.

"This is Xander."

"Xander, its Giles. You called about a Doctor Rodney McKay and a Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard?"

"Yeah."

Xander listened on and drank his beer, letting Giles fill him in on their quests and gleefully watching Blair get more and more antsy. Rodney was starting to look ready to burst while Jim and Ronon looked vaguely statue-like. Apparently no one wanted to get the verbal ball rolling while he was on the phone.

"Wow. Thanks for the update G-Man."

Giles sighed at the nickname but only said, "Be careful Xander."

Xander hung up the phone and studied his guests. Rodney was just about to swallow his mouthful of beer when Xander asked, "So you guys chase down aliens, huh?"

John managed to sleep through the beer bath.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It took only four hours for Xander to receive clearance to 'officially' be told about Stargate Command and the Atlantis Expedition, and they had clearance to know about him. He'd known his little group had earned some clout with the whole Initiative thing but he'd had no idea that the new Council had it as well.

Apparently the President liked them because they were quiet, efficient, and he didn't have to fund them.

Two hours later, however, Xander wanted to beat his head against the wall. Never had he met a man so willing to disbelieve something in his life… and be smart enough to scientifically 'prove' it.

Xander looked to the half awake Lieutenant Colonel next to him. Waving at McKay, who'd been ranting for twenty minutes about the impossibility of a literal Hell dimension, he asked, "How do you stand it?"

"He grows on you," John drawled.

"Like a malignant tumor maybe," Xander said.

"Hey!"

Luckily a knock at the door stopped Rodney's comeback and a shell-shocked looking Jim went to answer the door – apparently the one-eyed carpenter wasn't the only one whose mind was blown by McKay's verbal skills.

"Faith!" Xander jumped to his feet, quickly sidestepping Jim's bulk and hugging the brunette slayer.

"Boy toy," she laughed, squeezing and lifting him into the air.

"Faith," he wheezed, "can't breathe!"

She set him down, "Well remember that next time you run off for two years and don't visit or call."

Faith looked truly upset – though you'd have to know her to see it and Xander was suddenly very ashamed.

He hadn't dealt well with Sunnydale's end – he'd lost everything; his entire living family, his lover, his home… everything.

Buffy had only lived in Sunnydale a handful of years and Willow's parents had been away when the town imploded. They'd had family and somewhere to go.

He hadn't had anything – or so he'd felt at the time. He'd run with Giles' mission to Africa and hid there; mourning what he'd lost, he'd never thought about what he had still had.

He embraced the brunette again, softly this time, and whispered, "I'm so sorry Faith."

She sniffed in his neck and them shoved him away, "Damn right you are."

And everything was okay.

It was then that Xander spied the figure behind the Slayer, "Dawn Patrol!"

The younger Summers rolled her eyes before smiling wide and embracing him.

"Hey Xan."

* * *

John watched Xander embrace the two women and wondered at the tickle of something like jealousy in his gut. Of course that was ridiculous, he had no claim on the man and he certainly didn't swing that way.

Still…

The slinky brunette, Faith, prowled further into the room, clearly assessing everyone. She moved so smoothly that it was only the soft metallic grinding that pulled his eyes from her scantily clad top down to her longer than sin legs and the black nylon and steel knee brace there.

Xander turned from the younger girl to face Faith who seemed to be subtly circling Ronin, "So what are you guys do- oh my god Faith, what happened to your leg?"

Both women winced but Faith, otherwise, looked unaffected. Her eyes darted around the room again before focusing on Xander. "The PC version, or the official version," she asked, quirking a brow.

"The real version," Xander grit out. "They know, they just haven't seen yet."

She shrugged, "A couple of month's back an adult Mo-Lar demon got dropped in a London subway tunnel. We got there and the Watcher in our group messed up. I got my leg bitten off and the Watcher got eaten. Took half the Devon Coven to send it home."

"Jesus Faith."

"Yeah."

"That's ridiculous," Rodney sputtered, "You can't just reattach a severed leg and be back up in 'a few months'. You'd have years of physical therapy and surgeries, if they could reattach it at all-"

"Who are you again," Faith interrupted.

"Doctor Rodney McKay-"

"And you know what about Slayer physiology?"

"Nothing, but since it's not real-"

Faith sighed loudly. "Dawn?"

Dawn rolled her eyes but dutifully dug through the duffle on her shoulder. After a minute she pulled out a two foot long solid steel rod and tossed it to Faith. Faith, in turn, handed it to Rodney.

"Bend that," she said.

"What," Rodney squeaked, gingerly taking the rod.

"Bend it."

"This is stupid, there's no way anyone can do that-"

"Bend it!"

Rodney tried to bend it and after a few grunting attempts Faith snatched it away and bent it into a perfect pretzel shape.

Handing the rod to the gaping physicist she asked again, "You know what about Slayer physiology?"

"B-but…"

Dawn broke in and finished the explanation, "One of the baby slayers just taped it back on – she just wanted to stop the bleeding and keep the leg from getting lost in the fight. She didn't think – none of us thought it would heal that way. By the time they got her back to headquarters the bones had fused. It's possible she wouldn't even need the brace if the leg had been aligned properly."

"And I'd rather have the brace than have them hack my leg off again to try to realign in right," Faith added with a wince.

"Can't say I blame you there," Sheppard drawled.

Faith winked at him," Besides, being mostly retired has its perks and I still get the most senior active watcher. Freedom, friends and a council credit card – what more does a girl need?"

"And that brings us back to why you're here," Xander pointed out.

"We're here to make sure the SGC abides by the President's 'hand's off' policy in regards to any member of the International Watcher's Council, or any party associated thereof," Dawn supplied.

"We weren't told anyth-," John started only to be interrupted by his cell phone ringing.

A few 'Yes, General's and 'Understood Sir's later, John looked a little shell-shocked and McKay looked frustrated. He hadn't heard both sides of the conversation but he had figured out the gist of it.

"Look," the scientist said, throwing his hands out and pointing at the silent Jim and Blair, "You're a Sentinel and Blair's your Guide, right?" Jim opened his mouth but Rodney interrupted, "I'm one of the smartest people on this planet and I've just been told vampires are real – do me the courtesy of not lying, okay?"

Jim nodded.

"So Sentinel and Guide, right?"

Jim nodded again.

"And the thesis is real?"

Blair nodded this time, eyes wide.

"You probably discredited yourself to protect you both?"

Another nod.

"But now it looks like John might be a Sentinel and from the way Xander was able to help him, he's probably a Guide. So if we're supposed to be all 'hands off' with you people then where does that leave us?"

No one had an answer to that and silence filled the room.

Finally Dawn gave a disgusted snort and dropped the duffle bag to the floor. Keeping her lap top bag she headed for the kitchen bar and set up the machine. "Blair, Doctor McKay, let's sit down and talk. John, go back to sleep and the rest of you do something quiet – like watch TV."

"But," McKay said.

"I need some information here McKay, so you will all do as I say – Now!"

"Yes Ma'am."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

A week later they were all still in Cascade – though everyone who was not Jim and Blair had moved to a bed and breakfast a few blocks away from the pair's loft.

They were sharing rooms, boys with boys and girls with girls. It wasn't an unusual setup with two queen beds per room but Xander kept waking up with John spooned against his back. It had surprised him at first but now he took it in stride. John, however, was not and Xander could tell the man's loss of control was eating at him. Xander had them getting together with Blair and Jim as often as they could to try to circumvent the meltdown that he could tell was coming.

Finding the time, however, had been easier said than done. Giles and Willow had flown into town on Saturday with a General Landry and a few other guys arriving only an hour later. Then the meetings had started.

Xander wasn't sure what they were talking about, although he could hazard a guess. He tried to talk to Willow and Dawn, who were in the meetings, but they'd been busy and he really hadn't tried too hard.

For the most part he and John hung out in their room, watching TV and talking about nothing. John still got tired easily and when he was tired he lost control of his senses.

Finally Friday rolled around again and there was a knock at the door. John jerked awake from his snooze on the couch, eyes dazed and drool on his cheek.

"Go back to sleep John, it's probably nothing," Xander murmured as he went for the door.

The other man nodded but sat up anyway, rubbing his hands over his face.

Opening the door Xander found Giles and another man in jeans and a plaid button up.

"Hello Xander," Giles said, his smile only accenting the tired lines around his eyes. "This is General Landry, we'd like to speak with you and Lieutenant Colonel Shepard."

Xander nodded and steeped back from the door, allowing the men to enter if they could.

Landry looked slightly insulted when Giles motioned him inside but it wasn't until the door closed that the British Watcher explained. "Do not take offense General; there are several malicious entities that require a verbal invitation to enter a residence. While this is a hotel and the invitation would not be needed here for Vampires, it would still be needed for certain other spirits and imps. Xander is merely demonstrating a rather hard learned lesson in home defense."

Xander grinned at the long winded explanation and headed back to the couch. John had started to doze sitting up but blinked rapidly when the other man sat next to him. Giles and the general took the two wingback chairs across from the couch. John started to stand, probably to salute, Xander thought, but the Scoobie pulled him back down by a belt loop on his pants.

"Civilian clothes, soldier-boy, no saluting." Xander scolded. John frowned but Giles started talking.

"After speaking extensively with Blair Sandburg and Jim Ellison, I had the Devonshire coven do some research. They in turn spoke with several of their contacts, mostly isolated Shamans living in Africa," Xander shuddered, "and South America. We have confirmed that Sentinels are a very real phenomenon and while their numbers are not large, reports of them start before the human written word and continue with no long gaps of time up until Mister Sandburg's thesis."

"But Blair found only a handful of references," John said.

"I'm betting he wouldn't have had access to these," Xander replied.

"Indeed," Giles agreed. "Most of the written accounts were in demonic works. I believe Mister Sandburg may have actually found every reference to Sentinels in a human work there is. Sentinels, it seems, were a later creation made by altering the ritual used to create the first Slayer."

Xander dragged a hand down his face while John just looked lost.

"I assume Xander has told you what a Slayer is Colonel Sheppard?"

"I caught the essentials."

"Well then, as you know, the first Slayer was created when three tribal shamen pooled their powers and blended a pure demonic spirit with the flesh and spirit of a human girl. Now, at that point in history time itself was rather unstable so we're not sure how many years later it was that a group of South American shamen, most likely precursors to the Aztecs and the Inca, developed a variation on the spell."

"The biggest difference we can discern between the two rituals is that the African shamen used a pure demon – a disembodied essence, if you will, where the South American shamans used a demon that had already blended with an animal – a Primal as they're known."

Xander flinched, "Awesome. If you get a taste for people tartar you just me know, okay?"

John just blinked.

"Xander," Giles scolded, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

The one-eyed man threw his hands up in surrender, "Sorry, sorry."

"Now, the South American shamen wanted to be able to control their creation and so they built it into the spell that the Sentinel would require a bond with a shaman to balance their powers, otherwise they would go insane and either die or be killed by the other villagers."

"The ritual apparently became quite popular and creating a Sentinel became a testament to a Shaman's abilities. Many different Primal spirits were used and I believe a Sentinel's spirit animal is a reflection of the Primal used. Jim's is a Panther. Have you had any visions Colonel Sheppard? Glimpsed anything from the corner of your eye?"

John had an expression like he'd eaten something rotten but he merely gave a negative head shake.

"Well," Giles continued, "eventually the practice of creating Sentinels died out and the spell was lost. The Sentinels that remain are their descendants."

"That's a heck of a lot more than we knew last week G-man."

"Yes, well, that is unfortunately the extent of our information

"The fact of the matter boys," General Landry interrupted, "is that Atlantis needs her Commander back and from what I understand, that means Xander has to come along as well. Now, Mister Giles here has given his consent to you joining the SGC as a civilian consultant, provided you agree."

Xander looked to Giles and raised an eyebrow.

Giles cleared his throat, "If you decide you are interested in continuing on as John's Guide, we've arranged a cover story for you. Blair, Willow and several of the Devonshire Coven members have independently confirmed your Shamanic powers and –"

Xander laughed… it was dry and mean sounding… reminiscent of a hyena. "What power Giles? Surely attracting every demon within a twenty mile radius doesn't count as a 'power'."

The Watcher frowned, as did the two military men. "Xander, you more than anyone understand the influence emitted by a Hellmouth and the one at Sunnydale was one of the most powerful in history. When you combine that with the enchantments cast by former Mayor Wilkins, well it's surprising any of us know our elbows from our arses really." Giles started polishing his glasses. "We believe that the miasma of power, if you will, of the Hellmouth suppressed the conscious manifestation of you powers and funneled them into unconscious manifestations. I'm sure the Wilkins had a hand in that, he did hate competition."

"Uh-huh." Xander wasn't convinced.

Giles put his glasses back on and looked intensely uncomfortable, "I know your home life in Sunnydale left much to be desired…"

Xander flushed but he nodded.

"I believe your powers unconsciously began drawing the Hellmouth's demon population to you as a way of gaining the attention you needed as a child."

"Ah," Xander crossed his arms, "so unconsciously I'm a masochist with suicidal tendencies."

"Xander, your levity in this case is unwarranted."

"Sorry if I'm having a problem with this Watcher-man. I was getting kinda used to being pushed to the sidelines 'cause I was normal guy and now I'm being shoved to the front line now that I'm not so normal… bad enough having the hyena stomping around in my head again."

Giles stiffened, "Xander-"

"And what's with that anyway? Ignoring the fact that you said she was gone, if Sentinels are just guys with Primals stuck in 'em, how come I'm not a Sentinel, huh?"

Giles blinked and actually had to think for a few minutes before he answered, "I would hazard to guess that you can't be a Sentinel because you are already a shaman, there are no accounts of someone being both. In African societies a shaman will call upon a Primal for a short period of time to gain guidance and then the spirit is released. A shaman cannot be permanently possessed, their soul would either eject the invading spirit or the shaman would die."

"So all the powers of a Sentinel but its only temporary," John said.

"Precisely," Giles agreed.

"But mine isn't temporary? And what about my pack's possession? You said then that if the spirits weren't put back in the hyenas then we'd be taken over completely; we'd become hyena's in human form."

"And you would have, or rather they would have. Remember, the spell was cast _by_ a shaman _for_ a shaman. If a shaman truly cannot be taken over by an invading spirit then there would be no safeguards against that happening in the spell. The other children would have become permanently possessed – where you would not. Your shamanic blood would explain why you seemed more in control than the others."

"Control! I nearly raped Buffy!"

The two soldiers looked shocked.

"And by confronting a superior opponent, one you knew would not kill or seriously hurt you, you evaded a situation where you would either have to do something extremely questionable, eating the principal, or go against your pack who had superior numbers on their side. You may not have been in complete control, but you were able to influence a very power demonic entity with no training. If the hyena had been fully in control there would have been a bloodbath like we've never seen before," Giles proclaimed.

The hyena was wholeheartedly agreeing somewhere in his head.

"So I'm a shaman?"

Giles nodded and the hyena laughed.

"And I've got magical, mystical powers?"

"Nothing as… showy as Willow's spells I'd say, but yes, you'll be able to do a fair share of spell working as well as having several other talents that are specific to the shaman's bloodlines."

"Oh." Xander dropped his face in his hands.

"Xander," Giles chastised, "I really don't see why you are having such a hard time with this. There was a time, not long ago, I remember you wanting such a gift."

"That was before."

"Before what?"

Xander jumped to his feet and went to the large bay window, blankly staring out over the city, "That was before my eye, before Jesse and Buffy and Tara and Anya and Cordy and Spike. Before Africa and a dozen mini slayers who names I can't remember but I can see their dead faces every time I close my eye. Before the bus load of dead refugees and an entire village of people massacred in under an hour. Before lots of things."

"Xander…" Giles was pale, eyes wide and mouth gaping.

The brunette noticed that John and the General looked a bit wide eyed as well.

"I need some air," he said and stalked from the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

John found him sometime later. Xander had no idea how long he'd been gone, he was just grateful when the other man merely joined him on the park bench and stayed quiet.

The city hummed around them. Birds sang, kids laughed as they played, cars drove by and music played. The cool breeze ruffled his hair while the bright sunlight took the edge off the chill.

It was a beautiful day.

"I know it's stupid," Xander said after awhile, "all the 'what ifs' in the world won't change a thing. They died, and most of them stayed that way," John raised an eyebrow. "But its kinds alike getting killed by a pack of zombies right next to the truck because you didn't know you had the spare key in your pocket. Same feeling, you know, except real."

"Yeah."

"Sorry I freaked out back there."

"I figure you're entitled. Besides, I think we're kinda in the same boat here."

Xander chuckled, "Yeah."

"Just promise me you won't let me do something too stupid when my turn comes around."

"I think I can do that."

Silence fell and the one-eyed man felt his thoughts start to slow down and calm.

"So what's it like in Atlantis," Xander asked.

"Amazing," John answered and the Scooby could hear the honesty in his voice. "It's beautiful, exhausting, terrifying, dangerous… but I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Think I'll like it?"

"Well if the looming threat of immanent death and destruction interspersed with periods of mind numbing boredom are your thing…"

"Ah – so it'll be like high school."

"With guns."

"We had a rocket launcher."

"What?"

"Seriously."

"Ok – so just like high school."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: So yeah – I know this is short. I've been trying to write a chapter for awhile now… and just realized last night that I needed to do a little timeline research. DUH! I'm such a doofus sometimes. So this little chappie helps set up the time line. Events referred to below occur in SGA Episode 3.7 'Common Ground' and since I've already stated the entirety of SGA1 was out of commission while John was nonfunctional – that means that Episodes 3.8, 3.9, 3.10, and 3.11 don't happen._

**Chapter 6**

"So John… what triggered your senses?" Blair asked.

It was a reasonable question. In the many sessions between the two Sentinels and their respective guides Jim had told them about his trigger but John had been strangely silent on the matter. Apparently gentle nudge time was over; Blair was going for the full frontal.

"Uh… well…"

"We know whatever it was couldn't have been fun. Almost every case I've come across has been instigated by a severe trauma…"

"Trauma. Yeah." John snorted. "Fine. A couple of months ago I was captured by a splinter group of Genii soldiers. Their leader, Koyla, has a grudge – totally hates my guts. He stuck me in a cell with a Wraith and let it feed off of me as torture. Eventually the Wraith, I named him Todd, and I came to an arrangement. He sucked about 60 years out of me… it was excruciating and I was going to die; I knew it and he knew it. Then he shoved those 60 years back into me… maybe a few more besides. But we got out. I still can't believe that bug kept its word; said they could only give the gift of life to their 'most devout worshippers or their brothers', whatever the hell that's supposed to mean…" John rambled to a stop and took a deep breath. "So, yeah. Trauma."

Xander reached across the couch to rub the back of his partner's neck, massaging the tension away in the silence that followed that disclosure. "You realize that this just proves we were meant to be partners right? I'm constantly getting kidnapped and either almost eaten or sacrificed to something. Plus, I am totally a genius at pissing people off."

John's lip quirked up. "Wonderful. Elizabeth will be so glad to hear that. You, me, and Rodney on the same team? Together we're going to attract some world-sucking-call-of-Cathulu-squid-monster. You realize that right?"

"Well of course I do! This whole thing is just some cosmic prank perpetrated by the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster. He likes squids, ya know? Made 'em in his own image."

Jim shook his head, eyes wide. "We're all gonna die."


End file.
